My Inspiration

Inspiration has always been the key to my success as it pushes me along and I strive to achieve the best I can. Throughout my life I have had many sources of inspiration: primary school teachers, music teachers, secondary teachers and my friends. However, none are quite like the inspiration I get off my mother.

For as long as I can remember, we've been a big, close family who met up regularly and never fought. Me and my mum manage to have some disagreements but never so serious we wouldn't talk. Therefore, she is the closest person to me and is my rock; she keeps me focused when my life goes aray and picks me up when she knows I'm down. I can always remember this one time when my ex left for univeristy for the first time and I was distraught, I just went upstairs and got in bed with my mum. All she did was cuddle me and I cried; the little things always make the biggest impressions.

My mum has gone through a lot in her life and when she found out she was pregnant with me, that was no exception. She was confounded at the fact she was pregnant at what she classed as a young age - now it would be old with the amount of teenage pregnancy out there. She'd recently finished her studies to become a fully qualified nurse at Doncaster Royal Infirmary and the age of 23, and she was pregnant. I find it inspirational how she decided to keep me and then bring me up as a single mother who returned to live with her parents. It was a struggle for her and she had to return to work shortly after I was born to ensure we had the financial help that was necessary.

During a good two thirds of my life my mum was partned with this bloke that seemed pretty nice to the eye. She fell pregnant again and her partner decided he didn't want a child and left her, so she went through the pregnancy alone once again. After the pregnancy, I had a new baby sister and he was back in our life. Wrong move. On return he favoured my new sister to me, I think its because she was his own flesh and blood. I got the blame for all her mistakes, got nothing compared to how spoilt she was by him and blatantly ignored. I wasn't happy.
After putting up with all his shit for nearly a decade, my mum decided she couldn't do it no more. It was a gigantic messy breakup including police, threats and lawyers before it was all over. He now lives round the corner from us but hasn't attempted to see my sister, or send a birthday card in 3 or 4 years. I don't know how a person could just turn their back on their children. Thats why I don't understand how I don't even know who my father is. It sometimes makes me upset but I wouldn't have it any other way.

My mum is my rock in my life and she always will be. It astounds me how after all the shit she's been through she still manages to lift her head off the pillow to get out of bed in the morning. Most people regret their mothers, but I never will. I refuse to be one of those people who cry after their mums gone, begging to have more time. I will obtain as much time with my mum as possible and I know its going to be hard on us both when I have to leave to go university, but I know thats for the best and she only wants whats best for me. She strives to give me and my sister everything we want even if it comes at a cost. She still manages to enjoy herself with good friends and go out; I wouldn't want her to change for anyone.

I love you mum <3

J

A Reflection

Due to being nearly two decades into my life (that sounds like forever), I thought I'd start my blog off with a reflective look at my life so far, so looks like it might be a long one :)

Early Years

Well that's me, a few months old, with all that cute baby plumpness; things were pretty simple back then, no big worries or stresses. I had a decent childhood, I was the only child/grandchild for four years until all my other relatives started giving birth (we're now at eight grandchildren, me included). I played and got spoilt, just like the first child always does; me and my mum lived at my grandparents house until I turned 2 when we moved into the accommodation we still live in now. I may have mentioned I was spoilt, but I don't mean extremely, just that my family always made sure I had what I needed or wanted; although things have changed now there's more of us. As demonstrated in the portrait above, I was (and still am) a stubborn individual, I like to "think" I'm always right, but more often than not, I'm usually wrong.

I started nursery at the normal age and became best friends with a boy who I got to dress up in tutu's with me, dancing around the nursery. I was a shy child so didn't really communicate with many other kids myself so ended up playing alone a lot of the time; to me that sounds pretty sad on my behalf but I've never really gotten over it so in my life I've become quite independent in that sense. Me and my best friend at the time grew apart when we were in primary so I found myself sitting on my own at break and dinners (now don't all go feeling sorry for myself - I've got good friends now). This was until a girl approached me wanting to play because I was alone, after this me and her was best friends for years, well into secondary school and have still managed to stay friends now.

For me, primary school was the best part of my life because there were no worries and no big problems; the biggest problem would have been why someone wouldn't play a hand-clapping game with you. But there also wasn't anyone to tell you how hard secondary school and the rest was going to be. Breaching into secondary was when the fun would really begin, when I would life major life lessons, make mistakes and learn from them.

Secondary School

Secondary brought together so many different cliques from all different walks of life so it came as a real shock to me when I was forced to speak to people I wouldn't normally. I'd grown accustomed to talking and hanging around with the same group of people for years and felt like a fish out of water when I was placed into a form with people from my primary I hardly spoke to.

From as early as the transition into secondary, I was sort of a geek; I achieved levels 5s in my SATs, always did as I was told in school so became a 'teachers pet' and played a musical instrument - however, little did I know that all this would make me the person I am today. I've always been embarrassed with being a little geeky and envied some of the people that were perceived as 'cool' and were able to offer their opinions to teachers. But, I later realised that this wasn't who I wanted to be and was happy about the person I was becoming. Throughout secondary I managed to make friends with completely different people than I was used to and I grew near and far from them all at different time.
Secondary has been a big part of my life, its opened me up to what life's really like and opened my eyes to all the problems you have to overcome and the life lessons that need learning as quickly as possibly. I had a lot of my 'firsts' in secondary including my first kiss, my first "real" boyfriend and my first time being drunk. I met some amazing people in secondary and had experiences that will stay with me forever.


Sixth Form


During the end of secondary and into sixth form, I made a lot of mistakes that I regret but they all shaped me into the person I am today. When it came to the matter of love, this was the time I had my first love and it was the strongest feeling I've ever felt. I was childish in the lengthly relationship I had and didn't understand. I've always heard that your first love is the one you'll always remember but at the time, I had no idea how I felt in the relationship was stupid in the sense that I ended up throwing it all away. I saw myself as being this loving girlfriend being the best that I could be but looking back on it, I could have made the relationship a whole lot better. It goes without saying that your first love will always be in the depths of your heart and it will take a long while before your fully over them. I'll try as hard as possible to make things better again but sometimes I feel like its a lost cause; but still I am determined to turn my life around in all aspects.


Another important factor in sixth form life is the work load; the step up from GCSE to A-level is tremendously big and I don't think anyone can stress how much more difficult A-levels are - in all honesty, you need to experience it before you understand. Personally, I study Biology, Maths, Music and English Language; I could've dropped down to just 3 A-levels but I like a challenge. All A-levels have a certain element of difficulty within but I think some are more tricky than others thats why I think my A-levels are particularly hard.


What I've got planned now...


Hopefully, I will gain the relevant A-level qualifications to study Primary Education at university and would love to study my chosen degree at Edge Hill University. I've always enjoyed working with children so knew education would be right for me; I primarily chose primary as this was the most influential point of my own education and wanted to influence children at that time just like I was influenced.


To know what I plan to or want to do in my life from now on, I plan to write a big 'to do' list in another blog/post including all the things I'd love to do in my life.


J